For Lucia
by elleipein
Summary: Elleipein is suffering from writer's block. Result? A shameless Mary Sue disguised as gift fic.


**A/N:** So. Writer's block sucks. And I have a friend who's been trying to help me out with that. Because she is oh so helpful, and because she's just a wonderful person in general, I wrote her a fic. (Said friend is Lucia de'Medici, who has written some of the best fic I have ever read. And I've read a lot. She's on my favorite authors list, so you can just head on over there when you're done here.)

* * *

A girl sits alone in the middle of a blank room. In her lap lies a notebook. She stares off into the distance, tapping her pen against her lips. The characters are not cooperating with her. She sighs.

"Hermione?"

Ms. Hermione Granger, smartest witch of her age, is suddenly in the room.

"I need some help."

"Do you write fic?"

The girl is surprised. "Um. Sort of. I'm kind of suffering from major writer's block at the moment, but I'm hoping to come up with something – "

"No."

"But. It's not even for me! I'm just trying to – "

"No. I've seen the destruction you people cause. I want no part of it."

This was not going how the girl had hoped. She is forming her argument, thinking of all of the good reasons for Hermione to help her, when a new character appears in the room.

"Ron?"

Ron is huddled in a corner, his arms wrapped around his knees. He is rocking back and forth. He seems to be mumbling something.

"Ron? Are you all right?" As the girl cautiously approaches him, she hears him muttering one word over and over, which sounds suspiciously like "bubbles." Or perhaps it is "whip." It's hard to tell.

The girl backs away slowly. "Oh. Kay. Let's get rid of the crazy, shall we?" With a flick of her wrist, Ron disappears. She turns away from Ron's corner and –

"Dammit."

It seems that while the girl was distracted by the redhead, Hermione had fled from the room. The doorless room.

"Huh. She really must be the smartest witch of her age."

The girls ponders for a moment, then smiles. If she can't have Hermione, she'll have to work with the next best thing. Or the third best, if you account for Blaise.

"I resent that."

"Draco, darling! I'm so glad to see you!"

The blonde looks wary. "When people say that to me, it usually ends badly..."

"No worries, Draco. I just need your help. I want to write a fic for a friend. She's been helping me out, and I wanted to give her a present."

Draco rolls his eyes elaborately, accompanied by an affected sigh. "Fine. I will provide my assistance, though it is not normally in my character to help Muggles."

"You're too kind."

"Yes. Well, who is this friend who we will be doing this for?"

"Oh! Lucia de'Medici. She's in the process of writing Slytherin – "

"_Lucia?_" It comes out as a hiss.

"Um. Yes?"

"No. No, I refuse. You'll have to find someone else."

"But. Draco."

"No. Have you even _read_ Slytherin Solidarity? That is not loveable!Draco. Wait. Forget about Solidarity. What about that new one? Draco Vanitas? She made me an evil bastard!"

"Is that unusual?"

"What?" It sounds suspiciously like a shriek. "I'll have you know, many authors manage to make me lovable, while putting me in very flattering leather pants."

"That's all well and good, but that's not really you."

"It certainly is! I'm very sexy!"

"Oh, I'm not denying that at all. But, Draco, there's only so much a writer can do with you..."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"You know I didn't mean it like that. It's just. The only way to be sure we make you in character is…to make you an arrogant bastard."

"Well, maybe I'm tired of being labeled."

"Draco – "

Draco folds his arms and look away. And huffs.

"I did no such thing."

"You're doing it right now. You're huffing."

Draco folds his arms, look away and continued to act like a brat...

"Fine."

The girl turns towards the fireplace – there is suddenly a fireplace in the room – to look at the tall, dark and handsome young man leaning against it.

"Flattery will get you nowhere."

"Please, I am merely stating facts."

Blaise smirks. "I'm listening."

"Well. First of all, she loves you. Isn't that enough?"

"It's a good start. But what has she really done for me. She did kill my best friend."

"Yes. Well, these things happen. But let's focus on the important things. She made you, Blaise. With her, you're not just another filler name in _another_ story about Draco."

"Hey!"

"Draco, shush. You had your turn. We're talking about Blaise now."

He huffs.

"Did not."

Huffs like a little girl.

"I hate you."

"I can live with that."

A polite cough comes from the fireplace. "If we could return to the topic at hand?"

"Right. Blaise, without Lucia, where would you be? I bet there are still people writing you as a girl."

There is a chuckle from Draco's direction.

"Plenty of people write about me," Blaise says, a tad archly.

"I'm talking about quality writers, Blaise. Not some idiot girl who has yet to pass third grade English."

"You're exaggerating."

"Really? Are you willing to put that to the test?"

"How so?"

"Let's mosey on over to the Pit of Voles, shall we?"

There is a sharp intake of breath from Draco's corner. "You wouldn't!"

"Just watch me."

"Blaise! Don't go anywhere with her – "

Draco is cut off. With a wave of her hand, the girl had made him disappear.

Blaise raises an eyebrow. "I wasn't aware that you were a witch."

"I'm not. But I am the author of this little piece, so, frankly, I can do whatever I damn well please."

"Fair enough. So, what is this Pit of Voles you were referring to earlier?"

Suddenly, there is a silver laptop on the girl's knees.

"Also known as It's not for the faint of heart, let me warn you."

"I've dealt with worse."

"Sure you have. Here we go..."

The girl performs a search, distracted by the "Hey Arnold" filter, which leads to all sorts of thoughts that will never see the light of day. She types "Blaise Zabini" into the search engine.

She chuckles.

"What?"

The girl clears her throat. "'_After her parents become Death Eaters Blaise Zabini (femaleBlaise) runs away from home to avoid that fate, running to her headmaster for help, she is sent to the one place that is better protected against Voldemort and Death Eaters than Hogwarts! Actionadventure.'_ FemaleBlaise, indeed."

"That is quite disturbing."

"That's nothing." The girl continues to search, mumbling to herself. "It's not Virginia, dammit. Ginevra, people. Get it right... Heh, Blaise is a stalker. Hee... EEEEE! It's Lucia! Hi, Lucia!...Girl!Blaise again...Ah. Here we are. Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"Do your worst, my dear."

"Silly boy. All right, here we go. '_I see you have fun with your filthy friends, aren't you skarhead? Well try to have some fun now cause we'll be the last to laugh." "Big words Mafloy and I don't think you can really fulfill them" "Is that what you think Potter? Well we will see in the end " "Who addressed to you Zabini?" Harry spat. "You haven't understood yet Potter that I don't have to be addressed? I thought you were smarter, but I guess I was wrong." "And do you think that you're smarter Zabini" "No Potter I don't think I'm smarter, I know I'm a genius compared to you! But now you have to forgive as, it would be pity to spend our precious time with you» and with that the slytherins left._'Blaise? Blaise, are you okay?"

The too-sexy-for-words Slytherin had fallen to the floor.

"Oh my God! Are your ears bleeding?"

"It would appear to be so... Woman, why didn't you warn me?"

"I did! You just wouldn't listen."

"Right. Well. I suppose I do owe Lucia something for…not writing like that. Now close that laptop. Please. No one needs to hear or see or think about that again. Ever."

The girl complies, shuddering slightly.

"So? Are we in agreement?"

"I suppose. What do you want?"

"Well. I had hoped that Hermione would be involved..." The girl eyes Blaise in a way that could be interpreted as lecherous by someone who didn't know her.

Blaise arches an eyebrow.

"Y'know, you're better at that than Draco."

An indignant noise emerges from thin air.

"Impressive. He's not even here," the girl mumbles to herself. Then she immediately returns her attention to Blaise. "Hermione seems to have run off. Do you think you could get her for me."

"What makes you think I have any control over her?"

The girl gives him a knowing look.

Blaise sighs. "Hermione? Could you come here? Please?"

Hermione magically reappears. Her smile (which is most likely due to Blaise's sexiness) fades as soon as her eyes make contact with the girl. "Oh. You're still here."

"It would seem so. Look, don't need much. Just a little help with a fic. Please?"

Hermione looks at Blaise, who nods in a less-than-enthusiastic fashion.

Hermione considers. "Why should I help you?"

"It's for Lucia. Lucia, Hermione. Who let you make out with Blaise in New Orleans."

Hermione smiles faintly at the memory. "That is true..."

"And you have gotten Blaise affection in Solidarity. Or at least, Blaise attention."

"I do enjoy those meetings..."

"And," the girl gets ready for her big finish. "She promises porn. Blaise/Hermione porn."

As soon as the words leave her mouth, the girl knows she has won. No one can resist Blaise/Hermione porn. Least of all Blaise and Hermione.


End file.
